


So Tonight That I Might See.

by rorybutnotgilmore



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Torture, Lies, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Post-Thor (2011), Pre-Avengers (2012), Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:43:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorybutnotgilmore/pseuds/rorybutnotgilmore
Summary: Something strange is going on with your lover.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	So Tonight That I Might See.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my gift for failing to write ATWCI for the past two weeks... this is angsty though, but that's my best genre...
> 
> inspired by the song Machinist by Japanese Breakfast, and set after Thor 1 but before Avengers 1

Your eyes are dull, the moonlight lightly illuminating your face as you stare at Loki. He’s sitting across the comfort of your living room as you perch beside the window. He hasn’t noticed your eyes on him, or at least if he has, he hasn’t acknowledged it.

You don't know how it happened, how you fell in love, but now you can’t help but wonder if it was always this way and you couldn’t see it. 

Time had been progressing, your relationship evolving along the way, but you’d never noticed so many details about your lover. For example, the way his eyes shifted between blue and green now and again. His demeanour transitioned from loving and protective to cold and harsh. What intrigued you was how that usually corresponded with the colour of his eyes. 

Your heart had been burning hot enough for the both of you, skewing your vision, leaving you oblivious to how much Loki was holding back. All the times you'd felt so plugged in, he was tuning out.

Once you’d started noticing things, you’d continued to ignore the signs. Until you saw him becoming sadder, that is. When Loki was how you always remembered him being, his eyes remaining green, he became more emotionless. You’d try to cheer him up, but his only response would be a tight-lipped smile. 

At first, you’d blamed yourself, but as time progressed, you began to realize it was more than that. He wasn’t in control of who he was at times, and the thought terrorized you. _What had gotten into his head and was making his decisions for him, slowly gaining more control over him?_

Throughout all the harsh things he said to you while under the control of the other being, you were still left, _loving_ him _._

How could you fight a kingdom of his demons and release him from the darkness that infects his mind? A palpable mist obscures Loki's vision; A fact that is obvious now. You begin to question if he can see you at all or if you’re just a puppet in some sort of intricate storyline.

“Do you trust me?” You ask suddenly, eyes locking with Loki's green ones as he glances up. “ _Can you feel it_?” You continue, quieter this time. Your eyes plead, hoping with every part of yourself that this is some misunderstanding and your mind is only playing tricks on you.

What Loki says next, his voice flat, sends chills down your spine. 

_“It's out of my control. I can't let go.”_

As you stare at him, your eyes widening, his shift into an icy blue. “It could be _bliss_ ,” he breaths, “You could rule alongside me.”

“ _What_?” You question incredulously, a hint of panic making its way onto your face.

Loki rises, slowly walking towards you. “You could be My _Queen_ , darling.”

Your mind reels. _His queen?_ Your mouth is dry and you’re at a loss for words, gawking at him.

“I will need someone to rule beside me, preferably from Midgard. You’ll be there to give me insight into the people's lives here.”

 _Midgard_. That’s a word you haven’t heard before. To your ears, it sounds as if Loki has gone mad.

“Loki, what are you talking about?” You ask, tentatively raising a hand to touch his face. You’re weary of the fact that his eyes are blue, rather than green. _When they are blue, he’s typically not in control._

“I’m going to claim my throne,” He sneers, causing you to retract your arm, the malice in his eyes terrifying you. “As the _rightful_ king of Asgard, I deserve a throne, and seeing as _my father_ won’t allow me Asgard, I’ll have to settle for your planet; _Midgard_.”

“Loki,” You gasp, cowering away from him. “You’re not thinking rationally. This isn’t you. Someone is manipulating you! You just _told_ _me_ someone was controlling you!”

Loki bares his teeth, growling. “You are just as stupid as the rest of your kind. You should be delighted at the notion of being My Queen.”

Shaking your head, you stare up at him through pleading, tear-filled eyes. “Loki, _please_. . .”

He lets out a sharp laugh. “You’ve made my job simpler, at least. I never loved you. Having you as My Queen would have been an _unpleasant_ achievement.”

Your eyes are rapidly filling with tears now, and you manage to croak out a defeated “ _What_?”

He has an evil, condescending smile on his lips. “Must I repeat myself?” He questions mockingly. “ _I never loved you._ ” He hisses, leaning closer to you.

Through tears, you watch his eyes turn green again, and as you blink to clear your vision, you notice them fill with horror; _Regret_.

Abruptly stepping back, the look never leaves his eyes. Loki leaves you lost in the night, taking a piece of your heart with him. He’s merely a shadow against the wall when you see him last.

The difference between the two of you is that Loki wanted the world, while you wanted his love. You didn’t get your way, so you wonder if he’ll get his. Trying so hard to help him, to win his love, has been fruitless. _Still, all you want is his love._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :)


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